The Goal of Life is Not to Find a Spouse

Almost unbeknownst to be, my goal of life for a long time was to find a spouse – or at least a man. It started in third grade with my little boy crushes that never seemed to end. There was another boy each year that consumed my thoughts and it was a goal (although I didn’t see it then) to get that boy’s attention and to get him to like me.

The endless cycle of seeing boy and wanting boy to see me.

This boy would get me excited to go to school some days and would cause me grief other days.

Yes, I was a normal boy crazy kid. But that kind of cycle didn’t end in high school. I had different approaches and each year my perspective and maturity grew (here’s hoping at least).

None of my tactics or approaches worked. No boy I ever liked, liked me back. I was 20 years old and forever boyfriend-less.

Totally made me feel like a loser sometimes. Totally made me one strong, independent chick as well.

Then BINGO BABY. I won. I found a man who eventually became my spouse. It was like I had finally won, got the big prize, and accomplished the life goal of finding someone who loved me enough to pledge forever to me.

Mission complete. Check it off the list. Society now completely understands and accepts me.

Hands and Heart

Then, uh-oh, I lost that man at age 27.

Since this had almost seemed like my life’s goal, did that just mean that I failed my goal? I failed my life? I was a failure?

Oh wait, no, there I go again, getting right back out there trying to find a man, trying to accomplish that life goal.

Until that crashed and burned in a crazy mess of a relationship, a one week rebound period of dating, and then the crash and reality of “What the heck am I doing?”

I stopped. Just stopped.

I mourned. I felt alone. I cried.

Then I regained this incredible new insight. This new view on life.

Life is not about getting a man. Whoa. What had I been doing for the past (now) 28 years? Trying to get a man to accomplish the goal of finding validity and happiness in someone loving you back.

Which is awesome. I love love. It’s the best feeling in the world.

There is so much more though. There is so much love out there that doesn’t come from a man. There is a world to explore that isn’t with the intent of your future man popping up around the corner.

Love on the Street

There is your complete you and this incredible world out there ready for you to explore. Whether that world is actually the whole world or just the corner of it you occupy, that’s your world. It’s yours, yours, yours – no man needed.

What if we stopped looking for that man and started looking for other things? Things to better ourselves, better the world, better our corner, make us laugh, change perspective.

There’s so much else out there when you stop participating in the rat race of relationships.

I got so caught up in fitting into societal norm and finding validity in the relationship game, I closed off other parts of my life, of the world.

Cheers, to you if you already got this. Reading this back I know it’s a simple concept and even I laugh at myself a little. But it happened. It might happen again. Being loved is intoxicating and there’s nothing like it. But maybe it’s time to expand that love and see where else you can find it and other ways to give it.


Life is not about finding a man – life is about expanding all the love inside you to everyone in your life, your world and opening your arms to all the love. To finding more of yourself every day.