Yesterday I left my friends, I vanished from society, to crawl into blanket sheets that keep me too warm even in the winter time.
I left a place that was supposed to be happy to find happiness on my own.
My world is changing, and I needed to be alone, to find my happy place, to swath myself in blankets, and feel. To feel the change, to fear the change, to embrace the change, and to recognize the change.
Sometimes you just have to sit back and watch the feelings, the emotions cross your existence. To say hello and goodbye in the same mindful, fleeting instance. To watch them fade like vapor in the sky.
The journey home last night came in an Uber. I needed to leave, but my friends had driven me, so I decided to take the $6 Uber home to allow myself the freedom to feel, alone. Yet that drive was an essential part of my journey that night.
To open the door to Christian music, to hear the man speak so eloquently and sweetly, to only have his voice eclipsed in a stutter when asking me if I liked the music. The way I said “yes” and the look of peace that softly swept upon his face. The way I felt love in that $6 drive home.
That was part of the journey.
The way I saw a father walk his son to the handicap bus, delivering him like he must every morning. To see arms reach towards this radiant face of love as he took each stair one at a time.
That was part of the journey.
The way I see kindness, caring, humor, and love in the faces of my friends, who are my family. The way we all care for each other, even though we’ve only known each other months. It’s like they’ve always been an essential part of my life.
This journey is amazing, unexpected, painful, sad, and the biggest blessing I could ever know.
I accept the pain with the joy. I love how pains acts as a tool to bring me one step closer to who I was born to be.
These words I write, they are poetry, they are truth, they are inside me yearning to be let out. To share these feelings I have in the hope that they too touch you, make you feel, embolden your yearning for understanding, betterment, and acceptance in this world.
As thing changes envelopes me, it brings everything into question . Why is that? Why do I question completely unrelated items when one change happens in my life?
But yet, I’ve come to love it. I love to reassess all I thought I knew, I wanted, I loved. Actually, I come to reassess me. To make myself become the best person I can be.
I want that for you too. I want you, that struggling, beautiful, wonderful person you are, to realize it through and through. To rise up and see your unbelievable being that is so needed in this world.
I hope to someone, I hope especially to you, that these thoughts tumbling out of my head and traveling along my arms until they reach these fingertips that won’t stop tapping these black keys, will be a part that helps you in this journey of life. These small journeys that add up into one incredible sum called life.
Take hope, take part, and take flight.
You are loved,