I am a 28 year old single woman.
I am a 28 year old divorced woman.
This does not make me a failure.
Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure. Like I got the ultimate prize (a man, a husband) and then I failed. I lost the man, the husband.
Now I get the pitying looks. The looks of sadness and loss. The poor you head shakes. Like someone died.
Yes, my marriage died but I lived. Not only am I alive, but I am thriving. I am better because my marriage died.
I did not sin. I did not fail God because my marriage died.
I took a stand, I used courage, I stood for what I believed.
I actually won.
Just because a marriage or relationship of any sort did not work, that does not make you a failure.
Actually, it made you:
- Stronger
- Courageous
- Empathetic
- Wiser
- Understanding
- Solid
- Independent
- A Survivor
The list can go on. Those are just a few that I feel in my experience and all the qualities that I think you can win by going through a breakup or divorce.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
It may have almost killed you. I felt that way sometimes but I am so proud of the person I have become. It is a daily battle sometimes to recognize that strong person and let her be, while other days she flourishes and dances proudly in fields (metaphorically most of the time). But you earned that person. You became that person because of your strength and your character.
You won, because you fully, wholly stood up for you and became an even better version of you than you knew you could be.
All because of a breakup or divorce or loss.
So really, it was a gift. A gift that hurt for a long time but the payback – oh the payback will be long and sweet. You win every day after your relationship by continuing forward and becoming a stronger, better person each day.
Congratulations. Today you are a winner. You are amazing. You survived.
My mother always told me that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I see that you’ve found her advice to be true. You are strong and I’m not sure that I would be having experienced what you have.
I had to include these lyrics!!
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Thanks so much Paula! I love those lyrics too!
Amen! I’m 27 and divorced, and it took me a long time to get over the embarrassment that (unfortunately) was tied to that statement. Thanks for sharing! I KNOW you’re not a failure!
I know you’re not a failure either Mary!! 🙂 It’s crazy that divorce can be embarrassing. That’s the last something so difficult should be when you have a million other things to deal with. Sending lots of good thoughts your way!!